Once I was ready, ceremonies with a variety of psychedelics or entheogens helped me emerge from the darkest period in my life. I continue to integrate the experiences and have adopted more positive ways to cope with my losses - although I still have periods of extreme sadness. I have and will continue to experience ‘Metanoesis’ care for myself. I’m still on my healing journey and accept that I will be for the rest of my life. I now accept grief as my constant companion and one of my most influential teachers.

This philosophy comes from the word met·a·noi·a. The word metis was derived from the name of the Greek goddess Metis, which came to mean “wise counsel” or “practical wisdom.” Meta is a Greek prefix and preposition, which means “after” or “beyond.”  No·ia means “thought.” The derivative noēsis means the highest kind of knowledge or knowledge of the eternal forms or ideas. The term “noetic” comes from the Greek word noētikos which means inner wisdom, intuition, or implicit understanding.

William James, a philosopher and the father of American psychology, refers to this phenomenon when he said, “noetic experiences often feel like a state of understanding - intuitively accessed knowledge, known as truth. One arrives at this state without intellectual, left-brain analysis. The experience is also ‘ineffable’ in that the experience is hard to describe in words. These noetic experiences are present in the oldest of humanity’s written records in cultures worldwide.”

Metanoesis means “to have thoughts beyond the (conscious) mind; to have the highest kind of knowledge and implicit understanding; to possess inner wisdom and intuition; to expand the mind in such a way as to have a new perspective on the world or one’s self.” (Baring & Cashford, 1991; James, 1985; Hastings, 1991; Klimo, 1998).

You are not your label. You are not your patterns. You are not what happened to you.

You are who you choose to become.

— Adapted from Carl G. Jung

I may not be ‘walking in your shoes’ right now, but believe me, I have walked down some pretty rough roads. And I’m still here - becoming who I think I want to become. I believe in the power of these ‘medicines’ to help you begin to emerge from a dark period of time in your life so you can begin to work towards an enduring change. Psychedelics and entheogens helped me on my journey towards wholeness after my losses. Allow me to help you walk down your road towards what I hope may become a more peaceful, fulfilling and joyful life. 

REFERENCES:

Baring A & Cashford J. The Myth of the Goddess: Evolution of an Image. London: Viking, 1991.

Hastings A: With the tongues of men and angels: A study of channeling. Harcourt School; 1991.

James W: The Varieties of Religious Experience. Penguin Classics;1985.

Klimo J: Channeling: Investigations on receiving information from paranormal sources. North Atlantic Books;1998.

Sources of Inspiration on My Journey

Besides Stephen Jenkinson, Megan Devine and Wendell Barry, I’ve found so many teachers during my journey. From luminaries like William James, Joseph Campbell and Carl G. Jung to more contemporary therapists like Rosalind Watts and Frances Weller, author of The Wild Edge of Sorrow. Many people, including my friends, have helped me form my philosophy about psychedelic-assisted therapy. You’ll discover their contributions on my website. “This quote below is attributed to the 13th-century Persian poet, Rumi. It is often interpreted as a metaphor for a person’s spiritual journey, suggesting that our deepest pain and wounds can be the very places where we experience the most profound spiritual growth and enlightenment. Accepting and embracing our suffering allows us to access a deeper connection to our true Self. I reflected on this verse after a San Pedro cactus ceremony. I could barely even speak my intention for that ceremony in our group’s preparation session. All I could whisper between my crying, gasping for breaths and wiping my tears was, “I’m… searching… for a light… in the darkness.” During that journey, my son spoke to me and said, “Mom, I had to go, but you need to stay. I had to leave.”

“I said: what about my eyes?
He said: Keep them on the road.

I said: What about my passion?
He said: Keep it burning.

I said: What about my heart?
He said: Tell me what you hold inside it?

I said: Pain and sorrow.
He said: Stay with it.

The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”

Rumi also said, “The cure for the pain is the pain.” This means healing requires facing pain rather than avoiding or numbing it. Suppressed emotional pain can grow into anxiety or depression. Numbing with alcohol or drugs leads to the risks of tolerance, dependence, addiction, and potentially suicidal thoughts. You might wonder, “Does that mean I just lay here and suffer?” No. Rumi isn’t saying to wallow in your pain — he’s urging all of us to face pain in a way that might help you survive. Emotionally healthy people acknowledge when they’re struggling. Denial only worsens the struggle, making it return stronger or develop into more serious psychological issues.

First, if you’re having a hard time, admit it to yourself, “I’m having a hard time and I may not make it through this.” Then, when you’re ready, open up to someone you trust: your closest friends, your family, a therapist, or a pastor. Other tools might include journaling, meditating, praying, creative expression — or, perhaps considering psychedelic-assisted therapy.

While pain can be devastating, it can also lead to growth. Many who endure extreme hardship emerge stronger and more resilient. This can also happen for you. No one wants pain; pain finds us. In dark times, it’s hard to see any hope, but healing begins by facing the pain. It’s often a lonely road, especially if you isolate yourself. Megan Devine, in It’s OK That You’re Not OK, describes her sudden grief:

“Time has stopped. Nothing feels real... Every object becomes a symbol of the life that used to be and might have been.”

Her message to the newly bereaved is not about rushing to heal, but about validating the raw, awful despair of loss — to simply survive, one day or one night at a time. Personally, I found solace in books, conversations, and even speaking with a Medium. But for me, the most powerful path was psychedelic-assisted therapy and the integration work following each journey into non-ordinary states of consciousness.

Many facing anticipatory grief — for example, after a terminal diagnosis — have also found psychedelic-assisted therapy to be illuminating. In Colorado, I meet the legal requirements (per Section 6.18, Standards of Care) to provide psychedelic therapy in clients’ homes for those in palliative care, hospice, or those diagnosed ‘disabled or homebound.’ One short video from Anderson Cooper and 60 Minutes describing a psilocybin journey in a client who was facing cancer can be seen here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lqnPVZUzDPc

If you are receiving palliative or hospice care, are homebound or disabled, you may receive psilocybin in your home from a qualified provider. I am a qualified provider as I have been a nurse for over 30 years; have a Specialty Certification in Palliative Care, additional classes in End of Life Psychedelic Care and I’m contracted with an approved healing center.